FAILURE

Did you have any  mistakes that you really wanted to dismissed? eradicate? eliminate? delete?

those mistakes that will lead you to somewhat of depression, that you no longer wanted to be alive?

i do.

i'm not proud to say that. 

but i do.

i keep thinking over and over again, what did i do wrong? why i did that? why am i so stupid to let those actions becoming soooo real?

then, i realised, what i'm getting now, what i experiencing now, it was because of my past.

the past that taught me, to be a better person, again and again.

for this several months, my life is like a roller coaster.

and yes, my mom and my dad didn't realised this.

i keep telling them, that everything is running well, nothing to worry about.

i just pray my best for their health, their happiness, their faith..

nothing else important

but now, 

so sorry to say this

like other human being in this world

i made mistakes

a lot.

maybe some of my actions hurt others feeling, 

maybe i'm selfish

i put my ego higher that the other

and what did i get?

some regrets

regrets which followed by depression

my mind keep awake

but my heart is laid down

the blood in my vein is keep on flowing

but the others are not moving

i put my regrets far away in front my of me

yet, i'm trying to fix everything  right

but nothing is rights