What if I never love again?

Precaution : 5 minutes reading time

Our basic need is to be loved. As human being we desired to be loved by someone, accepted in every circumstances and condition, which requires us to adapt.

Since we were born, our parents loved us with the purest feeling in the world and we continue to grow because of that.

As long we continue to grow, our environment try to shows their color. The person who really cares about you, stick with you. They will see your progress in childhood moments, teenager, young adult, and yes even when you being an adult and getting old. It is a life’s circle. And, this one is also a proof who is worthy to become your inner circle.

We started to have those chapters in life when everybody has their own parts.  Your first crush, Your first person that stole your first kiss, your first broken heart, your person who stole your heart for the rest of your life, and your person who left you. It doesn’t matter who they are, either they become a gift or a lesson. You just gotta deal with those parts. Sounds interesting, no?

Your first moment when you deal with the purest feeling, and I called it love, maybe different from every human being. You can feel the love by your parents, your friends, your cats, your dogs, your favorite thing, etc. and then, when it hits you, you also want to give it back to the person who loves you, of course, the “things” can’t love you back. But still, you try to pays back, because you know being loved is magical. You try to give its back. And it’s normal thing.

But what if, the person that you loved the most, left you so sudden? They were not says goodbye or even proper statement that really shows that they will gone. Like, forever. You don’t have guts to deal with that, and it crash you so hard.

What if I never love again?

We often came up with conclusion “ if I’m not with you, I will never be with somebody else”. Sounds so romantic. That is your choice, your call..

You try to keep your promise. You hold it. You put it in your loveliest place in your heart, and you lock it. One day, two days, one month, two months, you still have strong desired to proof. Then, they hit you again, with the craziest pace that you called “move on”. They just left you, but how come they already with someone else? How about “ I love you till I die?” so, they are spirit now?

Your heart is broken. You think that nobody could heal you. Maybe the only answer is time. But, how long does it takes? It’s maybe need hundred or thousand of days to get heal, but the wound is still there. You try to eradicate those feeling but you can’t. It sticks there and it’s sucks.

One day, another person came. They show their feeling towards you, but you deny it. You think you still wanna keep your promise until the end. But it also hurt you, when these people hurt too, because of your rejection.

You try to contact your old friend, or your old crush (maybe you still have those person who sympathies to you, and wanna hear your current condition). You lie to them. You said that this person is way good enough for you, and you didn’t good enough to them. You mock your self by scrutiny yourselves.

When you finally decide to move on with them, suddenly your pasts called you. They try to make you stay as long as they want, but there are no proof, no vision there. You already realized it, but you in a grey area. Either you still wanna be with your past, or wanna be with your future.

Remember, you deserved to have a better life. That what's our life’s goals, isn’t it?