a battle?

This morning after I woke, I laid in bed and stared 
at the ceiling for about thirty minutes, trying to 
convince myself there was a reason to get up. 
It was a fight, just to get my body to move, 
because when my mind is going back and forth, 
good vs bad, it almost paralyzes me.

It’s like, 
my whole body becomes numb and immune to 
everything around me while inside my head there 
is a war, a battle that I may never win.

So I lay there, 
almost lifeless as a dead body, “I have to get up.” 
My body said yes, but my mind said no, slowly as 
I could I got my feet on the floor but stared at the 
wall some more.

It took everything in me not to flop 
back onto the pillow, only because the little voice 
in my head was saying,


“there’s no use, why get up? This day is a waste, 
your life is a waste.” 


For a moment there, I almost let myself become 
weightless and fall back into bed. Yet I knew 
that’s what the demons wanted that haunt my head.